Who I am and what I want: an informational post
My name is Erin. I'm 20 years old, will be 21 in December while I'm in Ireland. I go to Indiana University where I study English, mostly poetry and creative writing, though I've been known to thoroughly enjoy reading novels and tackling particularly difficult papers. My favorite piece of literature is Beowulf, which I hope to learn to read in the original Old English at some point. Hopefully they'll let me do a graduate class as a senior, because they don't offer OE to undergrads. But if you must read it in modern English, I highly insist upon the translation by Seamus Heaney, whom I also adore as a poet. Pick up Electric Light, if you need a good book of poetry to read. Or anything by Billy Collins.
Why I'm going to Ireland: There are several reasons. We'll start with the boring ones.
1. I want to do a study abroad, and Ireland offers the program I want in a language I speak.
2. This is the best time to do a study abroad; going this semester, I'll still be on-track to graduate when I'm supposed to do so.
Now, the more interesting ones.
3. I have never truly been on my own. Sure, college, but my older brother is up here, and it's not like I even left the state. My family is only two hours away, and I can go home and come back in a day if needed. In Dublin, I will really and truly be alone with myself, and though it is only three short months, I hope to learn a little more about who I really am. I am not looking for outside validation, but just a stronger sense of...knowing myself, I suppose, and if I am looking in the right direction for the rest of my life. Even if I can't find out everything about myself, I will at least know more than I know now. My high school English teacher once told me that the greatest advice she could give was this: "Live alone at least once. You will learn more about yourself than you thought possible." And I believe her. Though I won't be alone fully, I will be sharing an apartment, it will be with people I do not know in a place with which I am wholly unfamiliar. I do not think I can be any more alone.
4. My family is from Ireland, on both sides. I have always felt drawn to the place, in a way that I can't quite describe. I have studied and learned about a county that is half a world away, and now I will have a chance to live in that world. Of course, the Ireland I read of is old Ireland, from the days when the island was inhabitated by Druids, and more than a handful of the people spoke Gaelic all the time, but I believe in magic, and that Ireland is a magic place. And magic never fully dies, just goes in to hiding. So I will be exploring the land of my roots. And I realize this sounds silly and American, and I don't want to pretend that I am Irish, because I know that I am not. But I would like to know about the people who are.
5. There is another reason, far deeper and more personal than these, which I cannot put here, but to whom it concerns: I will do everything I can do show you who I am.
What I hope to bring back from Ireland with me:
1. Okay, I won't mess around...I want the accent, even just a little lilt in my voice. :)
2. A cute boy with red hair and a sheep...but that's a gift for my roommate.
3. A taller walk, the ability to look everyone in the eyes.
4. Peace in who I am.
5. Affirmation that I am doing the right thing by pursuing a career that may not pay much but will make me happier than anything else I can think of doing.
6. Graduate school possibilities...sorry, Mom.
7. A sense of where I belong in the world...it is easy to think that one is important among one's own circle of friends...but when I am surrounded by strangers, it will be easier to be humble. A global awareness, if you will.
8. A readiness to be still. I have felt...antsy, eager to move and shake and do something these past years, and finally, I am. And perhaps once I have, I can be content. Or perhaps I will want more.
Why I'm going to Ireland: There are several reasons. We'll start with the boring ones.
1. I want to do a study abroad, and Ireland offers the program I want in a language I speak.
2. This is the best time to do a study abroad; going this semester, I'll still be on-track to graduate when I'm supposed to do so.
Now, the more interesting ones.
3. I have never truly been on my own. Sure, college, but my older brother is up here, and it's not like I even left the state. My family is only two hours away, and I can go home and come back in a day if needed. In Dublin, I will really and truly be alone with myself, and though it is only three short months, I hope to learn a little more about who I really am. I am not looking for outside validation, but just a stronger sense of...knowing myself, I suppose, and if I am looking in the right direction for the rest of my life. Even if I can't find out everything about myself, I will at least know more than I know now. My high school English teacher once told me that the greatest advice she could give was this: "Live alone at least once. You will learn more about yourself than you thought possible." And I believe her. Though I won't be alone fully, I will be sharing an apartment, it will be with people I do not know in a place with which I am wholly unfamiliar. I do not think I can be any more alone.
4. My family is from Ireland, on both sides. I have always felt drawn to the place, in a way that I can't quite describe. I have studied and learned about a county that is half a world away, and now I will have a chance to live in that world. Of course, the Ireland I read of is old Ireland, from the days when the island was inhabitated by Druids, and more than a handful of the people spoke Gaelic all the time, but I believe in magic, and that Ireland is a magic place. And magic never fully dies, just goes in to hiding. So I will be exploring the land of my roots. And I realize this sounds silly and American, and I don't want to pretend that I am Irish, because I know that I am not. But I would like to know about the people who are.
5. There is another reason, far deeper and more personal than these, which I cannot put here, but to whom it concerns: I will do everything I can do show you who I am.
What I hope to bring back from Ireland with me:
1. Okay, I won't mess around...I want the accent, even just a little lilt in my voice. :)
2. A cute boy with red hair and a sheep...but that's a gift for my roommate.
3. A taller walk, the ability to look everyone in the eyes.
4. Peace in who I am.
5. Affirmation that I am doing the right thing by pursuing a career that may not pay much but will make me happier than anything else I can think of doing.
6. Graduate school possibilities...sorry, Mom.
7. A sense of where I belong in the world...it is easy to think that one is important among one's own circle of friends...but when I am surrounded by strangers, it will be easier to be humble. A global awareness, if you will.
8. A readiness to be still. I have felt...antsy, eager to move and shake and do something these past years, and finally, I am. And perhaps once I have, I can be content. Or perhaps I will want more.
posted by Bookhead at 10:26 PM
1 Comments:
Good luck in accomplishing all that in three months.
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